My current To Do list:
1. Get into a crowded elevator and say (with a straight face) “I’ll bet you’re wondering why I’ve gathered you all here.”
2. Wear a shirt that says “Life.” Hand out lemons to all passing by.
3. Make vanilla pudding. Put in mayo jar. Eat it in public.
4. Become a teacher (hopefully soon). Make a test where all but one answer is “C.” Sit back and enjoy the show.
5. Run into a store. Ask what year it is. When someone answers, shout “It worked!!!!” and run out cheering.
6. Change name to Simon. Speak in third person.
7. Buy a parrot. Teach the parrot to say “Help! I’ve been turned into a parrot!”
8. Follow joggers while blasting Eye of the Tiger for encouragement (you’re welcome).
9. Hire two private investigators. Have them follow each other.
10. Invite someone into my office. When they enter, swivel around in my chair and say “I’ve been expecting you.”
I wish I could say I came up with every single one of these, but alas, the internet is much smarter (stupider or weirder, maybe?) than I am.