If an apple a day keeps the doctor away, an onion will take care of everyone else ;)

My father always tells me how an onion adds some of the most essential flavor to a dish (aside from salt, of course). He was the one who first started teaching me how to cook, and in his mind, if you didn’t use an onion, there was no point in cooking. Sure, we had onion powder in the house, but he never touched it. My mother, on the other hand, was all about getting food made as quickly as easily as possible and preferred using onion powder. Both are really good cooks, but neither of them particularly enjoy cooking unless it’s a once in a while type of thing.

Now for me, I vary. I know that onions give the best flavor, something that powder just can’t compete with, but I also know that sometimes you just don’t want your hands to smell oniony for the next few days (rinse your hands with lemon juice to get rid of the smell!). Now I’m not a fan of eating raw onions; they have to be cooked down to be used in whatever I’m making. So in reference to the title, if you do plan on indulging yourself in the deliciousness an onion can provide, don’t be shy about that mouthwash. Think of the children!

For the longest time, I used to think I was ‘Super Awesome’ because cutting up onions would rarely make me cry. My dad used to bust out my old chemistry safety goggles when cutting onions, and I would scoff at my sister and her tears as a way to avoid cooking and trying to get me to take over. But just the other day, I wore my glasses instead of my contacts, and let me tell you that my eyes were burning.  I can’t even begin to tell you the disappointment I felt at knowing my supposed superpowers were solely because of wearing contacts.

However, I began to think about it. I’ve always lamented my poor vision as a weakness and as something that will be a great detriment during the zombie apocalypse (because let’s be serious; where am I going to be able to stockpile contacts while fighting off hordes of ravenous zombies?). But now I feel that if I can withstand onions, I’ll be able to withstand anything. Bring it on, zombies!

With those pearls of wisdom, I will leave you with one of the few kosher onion jokes I could find:

One day two onions, who were best friends, were walking together down the street. They stepped off the curb and a speeding car came around the corner and ran one of them over. The uninjured onion called 911 and helped his injured friend as best he was able. The injured onion was taken to emergency at the hospital and rushed into surgery. After a long and agonizing wait, the doctor finally appeared. He told the uninjured onion, “I have good news, and I have bad news. The good news is that your friend is going to pull through. The bad news is that he’s going to be a vegetable for the rest of his life.”